World cup mania is upon us--or at least upon the rest of the world. True, between ABC, ESPN, and ESPN2, all the games are being broadcast here, and that's something new. If you love hearing Andres Cantor's "Golllllllll," you can find a Univision outlet in most major American markets.

The question is: Why is soccer so popular everywhere BUT in the US?

Certain easy answers are always offered:

There's not enough scoring. OK. But, in the recent NBA finals, where there's LOTS of scoring, it still came down to a final second point to win it all. Is that definitive? I mean if a soccer game can be won 1-0, why should 87-86 win a basketball contest? Wouldn't it be better if the victor needed a 5 point margin?

In soccer, it means something to score a point.

Soccer is not a good TV sport, in that there are not frequent breaks for commercials. This, too, is the conventional wisdom, but in soccer, the viewer must glue himself to the screen (except at halftime). Thus, graphic messages can be superimposed which will be seen, as will the stadium posters.

Granted, football, baseball, and basketball have breaks, but how many people actually watch the commercials? Isn't this whole thing just a reflection of the tremendous conceit of Madison Avenue?

Football and basketball are by far the biggest sports in the US. What do they have in common? With some exceptions, you have to be a freak to play them at the pro level. Except for those athletes you may see on TV, how many people do YOU see every day who are nearly 7 feet tall, or weigh over 300 pounds?

Since these pursuits are "freak" sports, all American couch potatoes can take comfort. They can merely watch, and never worry about participating. These activities are closed to them.

Soccer, on the other hand, can be played by anyone. Even at the pro level, you need only to develop skills and be extremely fit. Nearly every person outside the US has played soccer at some level. Many people continue to play until they're quite old. Unquestionably, soccer players are the best conditioned athletes of any sport--expect perhaps for track.

So here it is. Our big American sports are entertainment and fantasy, portrayed by freakish characters, literally larger than life. Many of the players are overpaid, over pampered individuals with a lifetime free pass. And sadly, we seem to like it that way, because if we really didn't, things would change. How many fans stayed away from Major League Baseball in 1995 after the World Series was canceled in 1994?

Soccer is closer to reality. Why? It's hard to score (as in real life). In America, we expect instant gratification. You seldom get breaks (as in real life). What's more, the officiating usually doesn't disrupt the flow of the game. Big Brother isn't there to bail you out. Contrast this with basketball, where a meaningless foul committed outside the main action can still bring the game to a halt.

Shouldn't basketball's rules be changed when an infraction that is bad enough to draw a penalty becomes part of the strategy toward the end of the game? Are these foul acts supposed to be bad or not?

But, on the other hand, this obsession with and exploitation of the "law" is as American as apple pie. We have our exclusionary rule, endless technicalities, and unlimited appeals. Maybe soccer IS just plain un-American.

I've always said that we have the Government we deserve. I guess we have the sports we deserve, as well.