Little story
(albeit with a complicated plot), even less acting, and hundreds
of special effects.
Our tale revolves
around a conflict between the galactic Trade Federation, and a
small planet, Naboo, ruled by the teenage Queen Amidala (Natalie
Portman). Hoping to effect a diplomatic solution are two Jedi
knights, Qui-Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson) and his young apprentice Obi-Wan
Kenobi (Ewan McGregor).
Unfortunately,
their trade summit, to take place on the mother ship of the Federation's
blockade of Naboo, is nothing but an ambush. A fish-face Federation
viceroy, under the secret command of Darth Sidious, a dark lord
of the Sith, orders his droid army to attack the two Jedis. Interestingly,
the viceroy sounds a lot like Charlie Chan, and immediately conjures
up memories of bad king-fu movies.
Never fear,
though, our heroes are Jedis, and are able to escape. They land
on Naboo, and encounter a strange amphibian creature who is part
lizard, part donkey, and is all obnoxious. He is a Gungan, named
Jar-Jar Binks (voice of Ahmed Best). The Gungans live under water,
and mostly try to avoid the Naboo human types, who live on land.
The Jedis
convince the queen that she must leave Naboo, to plead her case
to the Senate, located on the capital planet of Coruscant. This,
she reluctantly agrees to do, so the queen, her entourage, the
two Jedis, and Jar-Jar head for the capital.
Since their
ship is damaged in running the blockade, they must stop for repairs
on the planet of Tatooine, home of Anakin Skywalker (Jake Lloyd).
Repairs will be difficult, since they don't have any of the local
cash.
Anakin, soon
to be Darth Vader in another movie, is a slave owned by Watto,
a parts dealer. Watto, who looks like a miniature winged walrus
with a hook nose, has all the parts needed to fix the ship. He
agrees to a bet whereby Anakin can enter a pod race. If Ani wins
the race, he gets his freedom and the Jedis get the parts. If
he loses, the Jedis give up their spacecraft.
Amazingly,
Ani wins the race, despite fierce competition from the murderous
Sebulba.
Anakin's many
talents are noted by Qui-Gon Jinn, who believes that he is the
Chosen One--the one who will bring balance to the force. Ankakin's
mother Shmi, (Pernilla August) in the film's best perf, discloses
that he was the product of a Virgin birth! Shmi knows that Ani's
destiny lies elsewhere, so she lets him go off to Coruscant with
our heroes.
On the capital
planet, our friends meet up with Senator Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid),
who's also Darth Sidious--but we/they aren't supposed to know
that yet. Palpatine informs the queen that the Senate is mired
in bureaucracy, and will do nothing to help Naboo.
At first,
Amidala doesn't believe this, but soon sees that he is right,
and demands a no-confidence vote for the weak Chancellor Valorum
(Terence Stamp). Of course, this doesn't help her subjects very
much, so the Jedis decide that they must convince the Gungans
and Naboo humans to fight together against the Federation.
Look out,
though, because Darth Sidious has just dispatched his ace student
Darth Maul (Ray Park) to finish off the Jedi. And, as an added
bonus, it looks like his alter ego, Palpatine, will become the
new Chancellor.
At this point,
we become very confused about the Jedi. Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan
Kenobi introduce young Anakin to the Jedi Council, to be signed
up for Jedi training. The Council agrees that he is the Chosen
One, but...they don't choose him! He will have to be trained in
secret by Qui-Gon.
What's more,
even both Jedis at once are not enough to overpower Darth Maul.
To do that requires one of them, Obi-Wan, to force Darth Maul to
fall through one of the endless shafts, omnipresent on Star Wars
sets. Sadly, Qui-Gon is also killed, but makes Obi-Wan promise
to train Ani, as his dying wish.
Meanwhile,
back on Naboo, the local army has defeated the bad guys, and Anakin
has single handedly knocked out the blockade.
Inexplicably,
even though their scheme has caused the deaths of untold Nabooians,
the viceroy and his group are free to go, but are admonished by
the Queen that she will tell on them to the Senate if they ever
do that again.
If the prospects
of computer-generated creatures fighting it out aren't enough
to dampen your spirits for this pic, the emotional letdown of
the baddies being sent off without so much as a wrist slap will
definitely do the trick.
Deciding on
the best performance was relatively easy, having to choose between
Pernilla August and Terence Stamp, since Stamp's role was only
a cameo. Determining the worst performance would be much more
difficult, since the entire cast appeared quite unhappy with the
proceedings, apparently because Lucas was far more concerned with
directing the computer creatures than the live actors.
As Jack Mathews
said in the New York Daily News, "Who knows? When he gets
around to making the third trilogy, he (George Lucas) may require
no cast at all."